How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Have you ever felt really great about an accomplishment but then see someone else who is further along than you and get discouraged?

What was a great feeling has turned into feeling like we were silly for being proud of ourselves. 

This could come in from anything from losing weight, to landing a new job, to making a big life change. 

Why do we insist on comparing ourselves to others when it usually causes us such negative emotions?

I think in some ways, we are just trying to gauge how we are doing. We look to those around us as a data point to tell us if we are doing better than others, worse, or about the same. That in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, it could encourage us to work harder if we are slacking. 

The problem is that a lot of us think we should be doing better regardless of how great we are doing. The more successful we are, the higher our comparators. We are never satisfied with our accomplishments and that leads to some pretty negative mindsets. 

I am certainly guilty of this line of thinking. I was obsessed with comparing myself to others for so much of my life. For me, it led to a ton of disappointment, overworking, and even bad habits. 

Over time I have learned to quit the comparison game for the most part. 

Letting go of comparison is ultimately what led me to finally make the decision to quit my corporate job and go after my dreams. Read more about how I quit my corporate job. 

Before, when I thought about losing my income I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my friends and would be embarrassed about not being able to go on vacations and buy new cars. Forgetting that I would be gaining freedom over my time and focusing on helping people. 

Rachel Cruz points out there are a ton of negative aspects of comparing ourselves to others including overspending to feel accepted and heath problems like anxiety. 

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So how do we stop comparing ourselves to others?

1. Focus On Yourself - The only person you need to compare yourself to is you. If you are trying to improve an area of your life, make a note of where you are starting from and track your progress. Use your forward progress as motivation to keep going in the right direction, no matter how slowly. 

2. Do A Social Media Purge - Go through all your accounts and unfollow anyone that makes you feel ‘less than’. Pay attention to who motivates and lifts you up and who brings you down. It doesn’t matter what their intention is, it only matters how it makes YOU feel. Note: this can be celebrity accounts or people you know IRL. 

3. Practice Gratitude - Focusing on the aspects of your life that you are thankful for is a great way to remind yourself how amazing your life is. I recommend listing 3-5 things you are grateful for at night, as you are falling asleep. It’s such a great way to end the day on a positive note. 

4. Cut Out Toxic People - Sometimes there are people that purposely cause us to compare ourselves to others or even to them specifically. You know, the one who points out how they already did the thing you were excitedly telling them about? You don’t need that in your life. Check out this article for more on cutting toxic people out of your life. 

5. Be Kind To Yourself - Remember that you are doing the best you can. It’s likely that there will always be someone who is better than you or further along in their journey than you. That’s ok! That’s great news, it means you have more room to grow. Thank yourself for making the effort to improve your life and let go of comparing yourself to others. 

6. Reprogram Your Thinking - Using positive affirmations to counter negative storylines is a great way to get your mind thinking in a different way. If you catch yourself thinking “why am I not as successful as so & so” say to yourself “I don’t know that person’s backstory, they may have been working twice as long as I have. I am proud of myself for the progress I am making and will continue to make.” You may feel a little crazy having a conversation with yourself, but it will be so worth it!

Don’t beat yourself up for falling into the comparison trap. It happens to all of us from time to time. Avoid letting it derail you from the progress you are making towards your goals.